There are a variety of reasons why a Spirit you want to talk to may not show up during a mediumship session. This is true not only with me, but for any medium you might see. When this happens, skeptics often accuse mediums for using excuses as to why this happens, but there are some very real reasons why this can occur.  

Reason 1: The spirit has free will. Just because your loved one has transitioned does not mean they have lost their free will. They must choose to show up and they must choose to speak with the medium. I recall one session where a Sitter wanted to connect with someone who was angry with her. I could not for the life of me get any messages or information, yet when the sitter began talking about the spirit, I could feel the spirit was with me. The spirit was clearly present as the sitter actually verified all of my feelings about who was around, but in no way did the spirit want to speak to the living relative. In fact, the spirit was still quite angry, and as a result, refused to make it easy for me to connect and gave no messages. Connecting with spirit is like a phone call. We can make the call but they have to pick up, and just because they pick up doesn’t mean they’ll choose to speak.  

Reason 2: You need to hear from a particular spirit. Sometimes a spirit shows up but they are not who the sitter wants to hear from. It’s best to remember that this is a spiritual experience. As a result, you may need to hear from a particular person, or, perhaps even someone you don’t want to hear from. Most mediums believe that who comes through for you is who was meant to come through for you and that they are there for your best and highest good – even if you might not agree!

Reason 3: A particular spirit needs to be heard. Imagine a group of people in spirit who have learned that you are going to visit a medium. This means that those in spirit get together and perhaps have just one single chance to get your attention and deliver a message. Among that group of spirits, perhaps one of them has a need greater than your desire to connect with a particular loved one. This may seem selfish or an excuse, but if you think about it, it makes sense. This may be a spirit’s only chance to speak to the living, so this opportunity is as important for them as it is for you. Maybe someone needs to apologize or atone or to get an important message across. Don’t forget that a mediumship session is not just about your healing and benefit, it’s also about theirs! They too need to heal and have closure, just as you do.

Reason 4: A spirit wants to get a message through you. Like the example above, if multiple spirits get together before your session, there may be someone who wants to get a message to a living loved one through you. This might mean the spirit isn’t someone you would at first recognize. In fact, you may not know them at all. The message may be for a friend, coworker, another relative, or even a friend of a friend. This is why it is good to keep an open mind and let the medium do their job. By doing so, you may be giving service to a spirit who might not otherwise have a chance to connect with their living loved ones. I always recommend that people keep this in mind rather than simply dismissing what is being shared. Not to mention, it is rare that just a single spirit will come through in a session. I have had as few as one but as many as five, which leads to my next point.

Reason 5: There’s an important theme to be conveyed. Sometimes multiple spirits will come through and their combined messages create a ‘theme.’ For example, I once did a session where four spirits came through, all identified except for one where confirmation by the sitter needed to be gained before acknowledgment. Each spirit shared evidence, then expressed the same important message to the sitter. In this way, three different validated spirits expressed the same message. I can only assume that the sitter really needed to get the impact of this message, so it was Hit home by coming through with four different spirits. If there is a strong theme or message that a sitter needs to receive, then this may not always come from the spirit that one wants or expects it to come from.

Reason 6: The medium is not connecting well. By no means are mediums perfect. We have stressful days, we get afraid, and we have days when we’re just tired or off. There is always pressure to do well and sometimes nerves and anxiety can get the best of anyone. An ethical medium will always do their best and may even try a few various techniques to make a connection, but if they are not succeeding within the first 10 – 15 minutes then they will typically offer to try again at a later date or refer you to another medium.

Reason 7: The medium is not the right choice for your loved one. We certainly can’t say exactly why this happens but it can be the case. Remember that every medium functions differently, so it may be that the way the medium is working is just not a good fit for your loved one’s communication style or even their personality. It’s the same as one person who loves a doctor and refers a friend to them but when the friend goes, they don’t like the doctor at all. Sometimes we resonate with a certain person and other times we don’t, so don’t be discouraged or even assume that the medium is no good or a fraud. Things happen.

Reason 8: It’s not the right time. Here again we can’t say why this may be the case. Perhaps you have recently lost a loved one and are desperate for a connection, but perhaps it is too soon for you or for them. You may feel ready, but they may not be, or, some higher power does not feel it is good for either of you. Again, skeptics may imply that this is just an excuse, or, we may blame the medium and say they are no good. Here again, we need to consider that there may be other powers at play that we just don’t understand.  

Reason 9: The medium is better designed to provide you with something other than what you want or expect. I will use myself here. Although I am a medium and make numerous connections with loved ones, I am also quite clear that spirit uses me to deliver a wide range of messages – many focused on personal well-being and avenues for healing and expansion. While you may desire to hear from a loved one, spirit may feel that I am the best person to discuss your well-being. In this way, you can reach out to another medium who solely connects with departed loved ones as their area of expertise – maybe even specializing in departed children or pets. We need to remember that mediums have conversations with a wide range of spiritual beings. This is why the medium needs to know what they do and how they can best serve you. It’s also why you need to know what you are looking for in a medium and what you expect to have happen during the session. If I deliver personal insights and your loved one does not show, then don’t assume your loved on in spirit isn’t up to talking. It may mean that I was meant to be used for your personal growth as opposed to chatting with your loved one – at least for today!

Reason 10: You might be blocking the situation – consciously or subconsciously. Sometimes people come to a session with expectations, skepticism, fear, or a variety of other issues that may potentially affect the overall energy of the session. While ideally the medium should be able to overcome this, it can still affect the energy of the medium and the overall process. In fact, some spiritualist mediums believe that there is an energy triangle between the sitter – spirit – medium that must be in harmony in order to work. So try to come in with an open mind and look at your own expectations and fears in regards to how it might have affected the outcome. This is not to say the sitter is ‘to blame’ for a poor or unsuccessful session, but if the energy triangle theory holds water then try to bring your best energy to the session by being open, curious, and accepting.

With these last few reasons, there may be no connection with the desired loved one and this can be disappointing. Still, it is always best to try again, either with the same medium or another one. Since we don’t always know why things didn’t turn out the way we planned, don’t just assume that mediumship is a sham or isn’t right for you.

It is also extremely important that a you not feel as if the lack of connection was somehow your fault or as if something is wrong with you. This absolutely is NOT the case. I once had a sitter believe something was wrong with her because I could not make a good connection. I felt awful that she would even think this. She was concerned that she was somehow blocked or had some fault in her. I had to clarify that most likely I was having an off day and that there was no fault on her part. The sitters energy can matter as discussed above, however, and I address this more in a upcoming post, but a lack of connection due to the sitter is usually based on their intentions or fears and not on some personal block or fault.

Before I close, I think it is also important to note that sometimes a medium can get information about your loved one but that doesn’t mean they are actually communicating with them. This is a really tough thing to decipher, but the medium should be developed enough to know the difference between getting psychic information versus getting communication. I talk about this more in another post. “How do I know if the medium is actually communicating with my loved one?“

Although most of the time the desired loved one in spirit does come through, if it does not happen, then I hope this helps you realize the variables that could have affected the outcome.

Cheers & Wellness,

Carol